4 Days In

Disclaimer: please excuse my jet puffed marshmallow stomach which is slowly deflating…


The filter made my stomach an awkward color, there are random dots and lines, and it cut off the tops of my numbers. Or maybe I did that with the size of the text boxes. Who cares. Four days in, and those are the four injection sites. Last night I finished up the 450u Gonal F pen, and tonight I’ll tap into the 900u. Why isn’t there a dart board template for stomach injections??
Tomorrow morning (Monday,) at 6:55am, ultrasound and bloodwork. How I have NOT missed the ultrasounds. Back on the table and into the stirrups I go. I became quite fond of the ultrasound technician who worked with our first doctor. She was funny, reassuring, and her demeanor erased some of the invasiveness. (No pun intended.) I’m just hoping that the follicles are growing. They never really go to the ideal size in previous rounds with the Clomid, so I’m cautiously optimistic that they’ve been doing what they should be doing with the switch to the new medication, and will continue to keep growing. 
Yesterday afternoon I legitimately had a 10minute breakdown. I won’t get into what triggered that, but all I kept revisiting and focusing on what our first doctor had told us, “you have a 95% chance of being pregnant by Christmas.” Well…here we are at the end of August. Not pregnant. And he’s no longer our doctor. I feel like a lunatic knowing that one minute I’m completely complacent with everything and the next minute the littlest thing will have me sobbing. So many people are telling me “to relax” and that “it will happen.” Unless you can GUARANTEE that, keep your mouth zipped. Doctors don’t even make those statements. As I like to put myself under an exorbitant amount of stress (I know, this is bad. It’s just who I am and how I am wired,) I keep fast forwarding to the holidays of this year, will we be pregnant? That was all I wanted so badly last year and we weren’t. That was challenging enough to handle. I can’t even comprehend the mental battle it will be for me this year if we’ve had almost a year of treatments and aren’t pregnant by 12.31.2016. 
Side effects are ALL gone. There’s no bruising. Barely visible dots on my stomach are left from the injections. The weird creepy crawly sensation is gone. (Concerns me slightly?!) Bloating has drastically reduced, which could also be attributed to my period being done. Whatever it is, THANK YOU!!! 

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