Brevity & Tears

The past 24 hours have been a whirlwind. As I’m still reeling from this morning, this will be short, and painful. I’ll probably stay crying again, but whatever. 

Let me sum it up, my lead follicle which was measuring at 15 yesterday has disappeared. It is GONE. Like a god damn magician, abracadabra! Poof! Disappeared! My other follicles although measuring at roughly 12, won’t even reach maturation. I’ve already ovulated. 
Failed cycle. 

Zero for three. 
Frustrating learning lesson of the day, I ovulate before I ever even get to CD15-CD18. I’m somewhere around CD10-CD11, but that’s still unsure and my doctor can’t figure out when I am ovulating, despite the amplified amounts of bloodwork and constant ultrasounds. 
Fucking shocker. 
Things a doctor should never say, all of which I heard today: “your cycle is bizarre,” which was followed with,”I thought last month was a fluke,” But my absolute favorite, “doing another IUI would be like pissing in the wind.” He also make some comment about FET (frozen embryo transfer,) when he was prattling on about IVF “because then you could have more than 1 child off 1 cycle,” to which I quickly barked back, “we can’t even get one child, but let’s talk about more.”

So that’s that. Shitshow of a weekend. Next step, my bottle of Jack Daniels. Emotional drinking to be accompanied with my brain mulling over my doctors statements, all of his comments, and his original percentage of a 95% chance of us being pregnant by the end of the year. 

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5 thoughts on “Brevity & Tears

  1. Wait. So your 15mm follicle ovulated and your doctor had no idea? Both blood work and ultrasounds show no evidence? W.T.F. Doctors, nurses, etc, are so bizarre with how they talk to patience. Sometimes it’s like they have no regard for peoples feelings, no empathy for what they might be going through. I’m so sorry about this 😦

    SO does this mean, though, that your doctor now knows when you will ovulate so you can get this right next time?!

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    • Yes and yes. No he doesn’t know when it happened. Apparently, the bloodwork showed I wasn’t close to ovulating but I did anyway, so he doesn’t know when it’s happened; despite this being the second month in a row. His suggestion: IVF.

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      • That is very strange. Can you get a second opinion? Wouldn’t blood work show ovulation no matter what? Like – it would have to, no? Don’t let them just push you to IVF if you think for one second something else will help. Maybe you need daily monitoring of blood instead? I’m so frustrated on your behalf.

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      • Yes, we could get a second opinion however that would be additional money out of pocket. The bloodwork should show it. He believes I ovulate when my follicles are around 14-15mm, and said that my lab results don’t ever show that the levels reach the range. He point blankly said IVF because then he will be able to control all aspects of my cycle, specifically the ovulation. I had blood drawn Wednesday and Friday, he believes it happened sometime after Friday but before Saturday morning.

        We’re going back for an appointment sometime this week or next to talk about next steps: changes in meds, changes in monitoring, different courses of treatment, etc.

        How are you doing?

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      • ARG so sorry it’s so frustrating. I hope your appointment regarding next steps goes well. This is all a trail and error waiting game, isn’t it? I’m doing well – today was a good day for me. 18mm follicle and purchased Ovidrel and Endometrin … waiting for an email to confirm that I can trigger for the first time.

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