I’m not sure what I struggle more with, having to go through infertility treatments or that I don’t openly talk to people I know about what is happening in my life. Yes, there’s a certain handful of people that know, but the majority of people that are close to us, including friends and even family have absolutely no idea. I am so confused by this. It’s not that we don’t trust these people, and we know that we’d obviously have their support…so then why haven’t we told them? Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer exact answer to that. I do however, have a few ideas as to why we haven’t shared…
- We don’t want the sympathy. Sitting around with people that are going to say “we’re sorry” over and over again helps no one and does nothing.
- We don’t want to hear your solutions as to how we can get pregnant. We’ve spent thousands of dollars on treatments, if it was as easy as elevating your hips and having sex in a certain position, we’d have more children than two adults should EVER be responsible for. So please don’t share your solutions for how to get me pregnant.
- Unless you’ve seen an RE, and have had infertility treatments, you can not understand or relate to how we feel. Don’t try. Please, do not try, because I will call you out on your “experience” and I won’t have the slightest bit of regret about making you feel uncomfortable.
- I don’t want people looking at us differently. There is nothing wrong with us medically, we’ve had enough tests to prove this. Infertility is a part of who we are, not the only identifying thing about us.
In the course of the past few months, I’ve shared a few links (2 exactly,) on Facebook about infertility. Nothing of our personal journey, but posts that others have shared to bring awareness to the forefront. Out of my hundreds of friends, I think the two posts combined have gotten maybe, and I’m definitely rounding up, 15 likes. This is weird. Anytime anyone posts about being sick or having a medical “thing” everyone is all over the post. I know more than 15 women that I’m friends with who have had these same treatments, or other treatments for infertility; some that have PCOS, or endometriosis, and they’re all unsure about their ability to have a child.
Tonight I received the following message on Facebook…names have been removed for privacy:
Not in the lest bit overstepping. Appreciated. Welcomed. Respected. It’s like I was telling DH Last night. When you get a new car, you become acutely aware of how many other people are driving the same exact car. I suppose my two shared posts of infertility are similar to this. Once you go through it, you are hyper aware of this battle.
Currently, we (read I,) am not ready to share with everyone. Should I? Yes, as I know it will help others when they feel like there’s no one else in their corner. I know there will come a day when I reach out and let someone know that she too will survive this roller coaster. Today though, is not that day.