Red, White, and Wine

**for some reason, this didn’t publish when it was supposed to. So as I sit in the doctors office, I’m making sure that it posts now!

Thursday has finally rolled around. I feel like this week has lasted forever. Between the emotional aspect and the fact that this is literally all I think about because it’s all I am asked about, I am making myself nuts. 

Today’s not been a good day. I’m tired of talking to people about this. I’m tired of answering questions. I’m tired of hearing the suggestions that are offered. Last time I checked, there was MUCH more to me than being a potential future baby hotel. But it seemed as though everyone today was overly inquisitive: “how are you? how are you feeling? what’s the next step? Are you ok, you look tired and stressed out?” Let me give you the answers: I’m not good. I feel like crap. I don’t know, I have to see what Friday brings. I am tired, and I am stressed, thanks for pointing it out. Please though, I truly just want to be LEFT ALONE. Should one more person tell me “I understand,” hell will break loose. YOU understand? NO, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. The ironic thing was that yesterday I was in SUCH a good headspace, and today I’ve plummeted. The image below is perfection for today. 

Here’s the update, should everything going according to plan. 

On Friday morning, round number 2 will start with a 7am ultrasound. The u/s is to determine whether I have any residual cysts. Which of course, is stellar, because I was never informed that there were any cysts to begin with! Technically, I suppose I should say it’s already begun, as I picked up my $19.95 prescription of those lovely white little Clomid pills. Yippity skippity, who doesn’t want to feel even more so like an already over inflated plastic pool/beach toy going into the summer? (If you need a flotation device, comment below and I’ll be in touch with my prices. I digress. Isn’t my sarcasm titillating?) Clomid should start on Saturday for 5 days, I’ll most likely have another 2-3 ultrasounds, blood work, HCG injection, and the IUI. 

Hopefully, this time around, the following things don’t happen:

  1. Idiocy at my doctors office. Yes, we are staying with him…even though we had issues with the office, we like him. 
  2. FedEx doesn’t make me threaten their employees jobs. 
  3. The ultrasound machine doesn’t break. 
  4. Worsening of any side effects. 

But right now, I’m sitting here enjoying a glass of Riesling (wahooooooooooo!!!) and getting ready to watch some TV, and formulating my list of WTF questions. That is what your first appointment after a failed treatment is called. Or so I’ve read on countless other blogs. Here’s what I have so far: 

  1. Why do you think this didn’t work?
  2. What went wrong? 
  3. We have undiagnosed infertility, you gave us a 95% chance of being pregnant by the end of the year. How did you determine that percentage when you can’t even figure out what is wrong? 
  4. What can we do to increase our odds of success this time? 
  5. How may IUIs do couples typically have to have before success?
  6. How many rounds of IUIs will couples do before they move to IVF? 

Cheers (sarcasm,) to questions, research, and wine on my Thursday evening. 


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