All Aboard The Crazy Train

Time: 1:22am

Date: 5/15/2016

I fell asleep last night with my book in my hands. One might say I was tired! 

Fast forward to present time, see above, where I wake up out of a dead sleep. The first thought was distinctly lucid and clear:  “I’m pregnant.” 

Now boarding the Crazy Train…🚂

Any other night during this two week wait where I’ve woken up my first thought, while heavily clouded and definitely less than half alert has been more of a plea: “it’s what time? please please please let me fall back asleep!”

Here’s where I will hand over my boarding pass to the crazy train. 

  • Throughout all of this, I’ve never thought I was pregnant. 
  • I woke up on my back with my right hand on my stomach. (I have NEVER slept like that before. Ever.
  • I have only allowed myself a handful (count less than 5,) of times to think “if I am pregnant…”
  • Why in the middle of sleeping did I bolt upright and have THAT thought? 
  • One can’t will herself to be pregnant; is this what I am doing? 
  • I was going to vomit, not from the thought but because it seemed like there was a gymnastics team doing their floor routine on my stomach. Slowly walked to the bathroom. 
  • I sat in the bathroom on the side of the tub. Thankfully, didn’t vomit…but gagged a few times. 
  • Assured myself I was ok, and then paced for 10mintues while holding a HPT. I didn’t take it. Call it willpower or sanity check but I shoved it back in the box. (Or me knowing deep deep down under 5 million other layers that I’m not pregnant…) 
  • My face has broken out over the past week. A breakout for me means about 4-5 pimples, I just DO NOT ever get them. It has thoroughly annoyed me.
  • Googled early pregnancy symptoms. Specifically “two weeks pregnant symptoms.” I’m not an idiot, I know the first tell tale sign is a missed period, but we are 5 days ahead of that. Of the 23 that were listed, I could easily check off 13. These checks aren’t “stretches,” they’re truly everything I’ve been experiencing. (Above bullet, yes, breakouts can be a sign.) 

If that list about doesn’t make you think I’ve comfortably settled into my seat of the Infertility Express Railway, keep your head in the clouds. 

Usually, I’d have fallen back asleep by now. It’s now 1:54am. While I am laying here typing this, don’t think for a minute it would keep me awake. If narcolepsy was a profession, I’d be one of the most highly sought after sleepers in the world. This can be confirmed by my DH, parents, siblings, and college roommates. I’ve slept through hurricanes, trees falling on the roof, and fire alarms. I have 3 alarms for workdays, and every morning when they go off, they scare the Be-Jesus out of me. Truly, it’s like a full blown panic attack. Also, I still have that I’m going to vomit feeling. 
WHAT is going on with me?!?
*this post was written at 1:22am, and was posted to the site at 8:58am. 

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