8 Isn’t So Great

Today marks 6dpIUI, and 8 days until YAY-BABY or NAY-BABY. 

Same old same old…tired. Getting used to it now, but being ready to go to bed for the night at 6pm isn’t exactly what I’d call impressive. If you do, well, congratulations are in store for you.

Overall I feel fine. I know a female just used the word “fine” to describe how she is feeling. Run for the hills! Call in reinforcements! Slowly back out of the room and don’t make eye contact. I do though, I feel fine. I don’t feel good and I don’t feel bad, hence, I feel fine. So blasé, isn’t it? 

The nerves are starting to kick in. I find myself staying busy, but all the while knowing exactly how long it is until I go for that beta blood test. My calendars seem to be taunting me. For someone that has a blotter, wall calendar, Outlook calendar all at work; a google calendar, the regular calendar in my iPhone, and a planner (YES, they’re still used,) everywhere I look is a reminder that next Tuesday is BFP or BFN day. It’s almost more dread than anything setting in. We have a 50/50 chance of being pregnant, because the results are either yes or no. At the same time, we know that IUIs typically are not successful on the first round. For every optimistic thought I have, there are two negative though. 

I have no psychic indication of determining whether we are going to be getting a “yes” or “no.” We know that if we are not pregnant, we are doing another round of the clomid, Ovidrel injection (the HCG,) and the IUI. If we are pregnant, we know that there are a handful of weeks we need to get through before we can really celebrate anything. I wish I could say we could celebrate immediately, but we can’t, because I’m at risk for an ectopic pregnancy; a pregnancy that occurs outside of the uterus. These typically aren’t discovered until you are 8 weeks into the pregnancy, and aren’t viable. In addition to that, as most women know, there’s a high risk of miscarriage within the first trimester. Now perhaps, you might understand why results won’t be shared on the blog. If we aren’t pregnant, I sure there will be some emotional reeling. Actually, I know there will be, that is how I am. I’ll sink to the depths of the ocean floor, and will eventually find myself swimming back up again. 

So, I sit here and I’ll tell you I’m fine, because I am. And because that’s what I need to keep telling myself on days like this where those little chunks in my armor start rattling loose. But, for now, it’s reality tv and tea time, with a Blondie on the side. 

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