-Strong right back pain in the kidney area.
-Abdominal area puffiness.
That’s it! Wednesday night I slept, I mean really slept! It was amazing. I’m not quite sure when the last time was I got a full night of restful sleep; the kind where I hadn’t tossed and turned throughout the course of the entire night.
There’s no need to make a list for this. I 110% feel like crap. My back and lower abdominal area is tight, and completely cramped up. It’s extremely uncomfortable, and has remained constant throughout the course of the day. Tired isn’t even a correct assessment, I am mentally depleted, which in turn takes a toll physically.
I must share a funny story with you. Wednesday night I had a cup of organic “nighty night” tea while I was reading my book in bed. Thursday night, I decided to do the same because I slept so well the prior evening. As I’m making the tea, I flipped over the empty package to read in bold letters “Do Not Drink If Pregnant.” Commence sheer panic. “Do not drink if pregnant? What if I don’t know if I am pregnant? (By the way, I’m pretty sure the Discovery channel has shows about that.) I want to drink this! But what if I am pregnant? I can’t drink this! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!” Needless to say, I didn’t drink the tea Thursday night. Reading that back, I’m not so sure that funny was the right word. I was more amazed as how quickly my mind switched into “this is bad for the baby! DO NOT DRINK!” The ironic part in all of this of course is that, I don’t even know if I’m pregnant or not. Whether it’s been conscious or unconscious, I have noticed that I’m much more attentive to what I am eating; not that my diet needed to be changed by any means, but I’m acutely aware of everything I eat these days.
Now, to the annoyed section. These last few days, it seems as though the list of things that annoys me has become endless. Of course, they all center around pregnant ladies, babies, and Sunday.
- Nothing boils my blood more than seeing pregnant teenagers, and teenage moms; they are aware that it is a LIVING BABY not an accessory, correct?
- A high school junior that I was working with the other day wanted to know why schools don’t provide maternity leave like employers do. #!*%¥~? (Insert every single imaginable expletive you can think of.)
- Then there was the “mother” with the baby carrier and infant snuggled into it. Cute, right? No. Her Dunkin’s coffee cup was wedged between the head of her child, and the side of the carrier as she proceeded to light up a cigarette. (WHAT is wrong with people?)
- My favorite though has to be hearing currently pregnant women complain about how miserable they are, how the pregnancy has ruined things, or how they can’t wait to be a normal size again. SHUT UP. Every single one of you, shut your damn mouths. Do you know how horrifying your comments sound to those that are dealing with infertility? “If I knew what being pregnant was like, I wouldn’t have done it,” was once said to me. But you did “do it,” a your stated, so suck it up sweetheart. Also, what did you think it was going to be like? No one that I’ve ever spoken with or known has raved about how easy or fun their entire pregnancy was. It took every single ounce of self control I could muster to prevent myself from going ballistic on this mother to be. Any one of us (apparently I now speak for all women undergoing infertility treatments,) would in less than a split second trade places with you. It’s annoying that your clothes don’t fit you? That’s unfortunate, imagine being told you will never be able to carry a child. That woman would give anything to have the opportunity to buy and wear maternity clothes. You all sound so incredibly ungrateful. (I know. I know. I, however, must come off as extremely jealous.)
- Then there is Mother’s Day. Nothing like a day to remind you of what you aren’t, but desperately would give anything for. With that being said, my mother knows that I struggle on this day. Although we don’t speak about Mother’s Day per se, and what it signifies, we always have a good time. She never says anything on this day, but always makes sure to remind me that although I may not currently be a mom, that someday, in some way, and somehow I will be.