Old MacDonald Had A Farm, E I E I O…

Or, my take…Old MacDonald had an RE, I U I U I 😂

Whatever level of mental instability you need to chalk that up to, go right ahead. It made me laugh out loud. 

This morning was the IUI. Nothing breaks the ice like your doctor walking in and excitedly saying, “let’s make a baby!” Which was followed with, “you want the collection to have at least 2 million. His was 120. (Long pause.) 120 million. So it’s not a good collection, it’s a great collection.” Of course, my DH is the overachiever of the day! Kudos to his swimmers and their stellar performance. 

My doctor also informed me that this was going to be just like the HSG. That is a test that is done to make sure there is no blockage in the Fallopian tubes. They insert a catheter into your cervix, and pump you full of dye, so they can see it “spill out” and through the tubes. It was quite interesting to watch. It’s done in the radiology department and you see the results as it is happening. Instant gratification! The HSG was uneventful and really only felt like an awkward constant pressure at the time. Two to three hours later I was doubled over in pain, tears in my eyes, and experiencing the most horrific cramps of my life. I left work early, took an additional round of 800mg of ibuprofen, and crawled into bed with a heating pad. I didn’t move for hours. And the IUI was going to feel like the HSG? Greattttttt. After a brief chat with my doctor about how I was NOT looking forward to that and how I felt after my HSG, he assured me the IUI would be nothing like that. 

It was then that my education began to continue. I have a stubborn cervix, or at least it was stubborn today. Apparently, that can be worked around by dilation. Dilation usually causes discomfort, cramping and pressure. None for me! As far as I knew, the cervix only dilated during labor, not true. Styptic swabs are used on humans. (How horrible is it that when he needed one, I knew exactly what he was talking about. Granted I never thought my owning dogs would ever come in handy while having an IUI done.) The other things, I will spare you. This choice is solely based on the DH’s reaction to what I shared with him earlier. 

Overall the procure took about 10 minutes, maybe 12-13 to deal with my stubborn cervix. (The timing doesn’t take into the consideration the cleaning and washing of the collection that DH gave.) Once the IUI was done, I had to lay there for an additional 7-10minutes. This time reinforced a few different things: I really love the color blue that they have on the walls, I’m obsessed with architectural details, in this case exposed beams, and I’m pretty sure that every OB/GYN or REI purchase their lights from Ikea. You know, those floor lights with the super bright bulbs and the bendy necks? So for those 7 plus minutes I stared at this: 


I suppose if you’re looking for a quiet place to sit there and not think about the fact that you will be finding out two weeks from today if you are pregnant, this wasn’t such a bad place for that time to be. The IUI wasn’t bad at all, again, weird pressure, but no horrifying cramping at all throughout the day. Finally got home from work, and still no cramps, just a very strange sensation. Not pain or discomfort, just a lingering pressure, which has since dissapated. 

Now we wait. Two full weeks, and then I go for blood work for the results. I have not yet figured out if I will be posting that day, regardless of what the results are, but I have what feels like an eternity to think about it. In the meantime, if you need someone to get lunch or dinner with, accompany you on your errands, get a manicure, go to the driving range, clean your house, for the love of God, call me. These next 14 days I am trying to cram in as much as possible so that I have very small amounts of time to think “what if…” If it’s stressful, as much as I love you, don’t call me. I need to steer clear of an emotional or frustrating situations. 

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