I’m sitting in the waiting room of the doctors office. This entire time I can say that I haven’t been nervous; it’s very straightforward: do what they tell you to do, come in when you’re instructed, and take such and such medication for however long. Today, that feeling of no nerves has been tossed out the window. My palms are sweaty, I can’t stop fidgeting, and my hands are shaking.
They can’t do the ultrasound. The machine isn’t working, and their service person for it doesn’t start working until 8am. It’s been restarted 4 times and won’t go any further than initializing hardware. Did I mention I already paid the $175 copay?** Also, the Doctor decided I am going to skip the bloodwork. Apparently follicles grow around 2mm per day. I was close to 12mm on Wednesday, so the “guesstimate” is that I would be close to 16mm today. But we won’t be finding that out.
**At this point, I am furious and doing everything in my control to suppress sobbing and shouting. How does an office of reproductive medicine have only ONE ultrasound machine? My Ob/Gyn’s office has at least 5! There have been too many issues over the course of this week. I know that this is a very challenging and trying time and I need to be STC (strong, relaxed, composed,) but does this have to be tested every other day in less than a two week time span? Certainly not, but for DH and I…OF COURSE!!!
My phone rings. It’s my doctor calling to report that the ultrasound is up and working, and he wants to see me tomorrow. (Apparently, he was thinking that my trigger day was going to be today or tomorrow depending on the ultrasound results.) So I will be back at the office tomorrow. This will be my third appointment in four days. Talk about frequent flier miles. Barring the highway turning into a sink hole and not being able to get to the appointment tomorrow…at 7am…we will leave with the date I am supposed to give myself the trigger shot, and an appointment scheduled for the IUI.
…any baby will certainly be a miracle, and I do try very hard to not lose sight of what can happen in the future. I am finding my biggest challenge to be that I am not in control of any of this. I have no say, and that doesn’t sit well with me. I like being in control; I thrive on it, I obsess over knowing what is going to happen and when it’s going to happen. That’s not how it goes in the world of infertility, everything is dependent upon something else; none of which I have control over.
So again…I didn’t myself in a place where I am being a cheerleader to my follicles. How times have changed!